1) I dont know what to do with you anymore. every little thing you do is starting to annoy me. i dont know what im attempting to hold on to, even though theres really nothing there it seems. i have no clue. i mean, i feel bad. you have shit going on, but we all do. i just dont know the words to say, when where and how. its rough...

2) stop being dramatic. grow up, shit happens. move on.

3) stop. all you ever do is try to but in. seriously, its been 4 relationships now that youve tried to do this to me. just grow up.

4) Glad things are fixed kiddo.

5) thanks for caring about me? glad im just a check signed off every other week, which you dont even do anymore. a text, if that, once or so a week with pointless excuses of conversation. thanks.

6) stop being an asshole... you should just pack your shit and go.

7) wuhvyew! almost 2 months of fake dating! woo!<3

8) jdgiadbshgfvanhgkladjgh

9) little miss brand new start. look at yew (;

10) I want you to know i honestly... I dont know where things are going. i see a future, and i want a future. i just want a positive one. a happy one. a love like never before. i guess the first three words of this number sum it up.

Deep down i jump for joy. A layer of hurt overrides this matter. Flooding over it all is the numbness i wont let anyone but a select few crack. But as of now, ive hungout with at least 10 people i havent seen in forever, in a weeks period of time.

It sucks not missing the person as much as you miss the relationship. But its better off knowing you missed the person when they were actually IN the relationship.

i have my good times lately, alot of them. unfortunately the bad creeps in ever so slightly at the worst times.

So xanga, I know i always say ill keep updated with you and i never do, but this time i wont make the promise i cant keep. ill make my way back to you spuratically. But i need to move on with my life. I need to grow and show my strength. Because one day, i know itll be missed. 30 days or 30 years from now.

I'll find my Titanic Jack, My Danny Zuko, My Bella, My anyone who will rescue me.

Theres a few of you out there, and many more to come.

But when youre left broken, sometimes you purposely hide a piece so you can never be completely whole until youre ready.

and thats where im at.

Im going to jump all around and spill my mind in this entry. So please keep all hands and feet inside the vehicle for the duration of this time.

things have been...strange lately.

i have my license now, so its a little bit more freedom. it sucks that its winter and whatever because im still restricted a bit, but whatever. i can drive to school, the mall, and babys house so thats good enough for now i suppose. once cohoes is added into the mix it will basically be complete til summer for me.

softballs coming up soon. honestly, no. im not excited. i will no longer be able to work, therefore no income. i will be stuck with the same ignorant whorebags as before. for three or so extra hours of my day. im not looking forward to the buggy, sticky, muggy, rainy, hot, cold, freezing, muddy, dirty practices for hours a day. plus tournaments on weekends and games. blah. no, it wont be any fun. hopefully danielle makes the team, because i know clare and everyone else will be preoccupied with eachother. ugh. whatever. ill take it as a prison sentance, and look to the bright side that its exercise, and just hope to see you cheering for me and sneaking over to the dugout to see me.

i cannot wait for summer.

i bought some stuff on ebay this week, so i guess i kinda splurged. but im deff hoping to put the p90x to use. hardcore use, especially when softball starts for summer time. i want that irresistable breathtaking body.

i want to get my lifeguards certification. deff before next summer, after senior year.

i want pizza /: whats with the craving?!

i wish we lived together. i miss you so much when were apart and i constantly try not to think of it but i cant stand it.

i bought her some stuff over the weekend, i know it was small but i was jjust trying to find a different way to say i love her. /: im not really good with the make up and accessory routine, but those were two things ive seen her use frequently, so i figured getting unique stylish cool ones would be neat. plus another ladybug :) i just hope it really had the impact i was hoping for.

i wanna cuddle. i love our semi routine. the past two or three weeks its been a night at my house, or at a friends. then she goes to work and i go to finish some random things at home or whatever, then i drive up to her house and leave around 4 the next day. i hate leaving. it shreds my heart, but i cherish and adore the cuddling and watchind ufc, cops, americas most wanted, basketball,made, i used to be fat, jersey shore or rent.

the news and whatnot about dads surgery sucks, its kinda scary. im just trying not to think about it.

midterms sucked so bad. i got 70s in everything so far. im such a bad test taker, this year is extremely worse. yay, just in time for sats.

ugh, why am i wishing away life. why am i rushing everything.

i feel like im in the "inbetween" zone, of under their roof and moving out. and i just want out. ugh. yet im scared. i have a few to go still /: im hoping things with you actually pull through. and its not like every other plan weve ever made. sigh.

getting kinda down so i guess im just gunna go laydown or something. im avoiding making a lunch and everythign in hopes of a snowday that i actually can enjoy.